i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
