Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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