Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
