I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
