i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
