It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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