Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Acid is not a monday night drug
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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