youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
