i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
