Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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