So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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