Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Mom said you looked used
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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