I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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