he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
