you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
