I accidentally burped into my bong.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
