You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
