I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
