am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
