It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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