this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
