Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
