She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
