can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
