Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
