Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
