remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
