Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize