I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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