it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
