It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
