I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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