I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
