I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
