At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
