Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
