you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
