Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
