Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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