Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
