Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
