I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
