After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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