and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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