I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
