she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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