How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
