hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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