shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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