Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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