Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My vagina is officially offended.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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