and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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