Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
love makes seman taste better
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
