I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
