I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
