Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I cannot find my penis.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
