I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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