this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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