When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
