He uses pillows to masturbate.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Did I show you my penis last night?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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