You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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