Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
