I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
