I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
