just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
