My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i dont even know how to be here
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
