drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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