I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Are we still banned from the library?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
