this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you made out with another girl for some wings
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
