Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
