i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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