at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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