How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize